Drinking

I have made a personal decision to not drink alcohol.
I made this decision about three years ago.
I decided not to drink for personal reasons and events that have occurred in my life.

It's not always easy living with this decision, especially because of being a teenager.
There is definitely a drinking culture that I am not a part of but can often find myself in the middle of.
It's difficult explaining my decision when first meeting people. My reasons have a very emotional basis and they are not something I'm especially keen to share when I first meet someone.
As a result I have had to face people mocking me or making me feel like I've done something wrong.
I'm very often stereotyped as a goody-two-shoes.

I occassionally feel in conflict with my decision.
It would be so much easier to just be part of the group and avoid creating an awkward situation for myself.
I often worry that I am holding people back.
I really appreciate that many of my friends who do drink make a point of not doing it around me.
Yet at the same time I worry about how frustrating or limiting my presence can be for them.

People have asked me if I would want them to stop drinking as well.
Regardless of my personal feelings, I would never feel that I should impose them upon anyone else.
People should make their own decisions about their behaviour and I would not feel comfortable controlling what someone else does.
If people want to drink that is their personal decision and I do not think any more or any less of them for it.
Many people find this strange but I don't really mind having others drink around me. I'm still capable of going to a party or a pub. My parents, my siblings, my relatives and a majority of my friends drink and I really don't have a problem with that.

I think the reason I am writing this blog is because the next day or so are going to be quite challenging for me.
There are some traditional celebrations being carried out by my university this weekend and alcohol does play a significant role in them.
I'm feeling quite anxious about what is going to happen.
Being the only sober one in a group is not especially fun and sometimes events like these do bring back distressing memories or trigger unhappy thoughts.
I'm also worried about frustrating other people or being pressured in to a situation I'm not comfortable with.

So once again I have had to sit back and ask myself what I want.
Do I want to avoid the celebrations all together? Do I want to let people know about my decision and some of the reasons behind it? Do I want to give in and feel like part of the group?

And funnily enough I think it's good that I have situations like these that remind me why I made my decision in the first place.
I think it's better that I keep clear in my mind why I am behaving in a certain way rather than going along with my decision just because it's what I've been doing for the last couple of years.

It would not be hugely harmful for me to drink alcohol at all.
I have drunk alcohol before.
I'm not an alcoholic or anything like that so I could easily drink with no catastrophic consequences.

But I think a consequence would be how I feel about myself.
If anything, this weekend has strengthened my convictions and made me feel that I am doing the right thing, despite the difficulties it does entail.
I am also so fortunate to have a group of friends who understand and do not mind me doing shots of tea!