Christina Aguilera has a song called 'Fighter' (released before she went down hill musically!). When I first heard it I thought 'Wow she's being melodramatic'. A part of me still thinks the song is an extreme but to an extent it makes a good point. Moments of struggle have always motivated me to work harder.
When you're going through something hard there's always the initial period of wanting to slither out of existence and wallow in a dark corner somewhere. Then there's this moment of strength - like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. It's very much a time to focus on what you need for yourself and draw from strength you can sometimes not be aware of.
Upon getting home from university this year I had a large span of free time ahead of me and the question of what to do with it. The transition from university life, along with some other struggles, brought on this Phoenix-like moment where I concluded that this summer is in part about what I can do for myself.
I have been motivated to:
- Organise some voluntary work at an art exhibition at Somerset House (I get to spend my shifts talking to visitors from all over the world about art and if I'm lucky there are extraordinary moments where people share aspects of their life with me).
- Pick up my driving lessons again (I was a very anxious driver when I started out and backed away from it for a while. I now have a new instructor who has been great and given me valuable reflections on life during my lessons).
- Sign up for a two week art history based tour of Italy (I'm going to Venice, Florence and Rome to be up to my neck in art and Italian culture - heaven!)
- Start running again (I only ran this year when I was home and that's pretty bad considering the amount I did in my last year at school. It's been hard but I'm getting back in to it).
- Reconnect with old friends and family (In talking to other people about what has happened in your time apart sometimes you can see things you weren't aware of before).
And then I've got a whole chunk of time in September after I'm back from my holiday with my family - who knows what I'll do then?!
Whilst moments of struggle are obviously horrible, I think they have a positive aspect to them.
They push you to pick yourself up and remind you to take care of yourself.
These Phoenix-moments aren't instant or consistent. It can be a while before you get there and you can sway between moments of weakness and strength.
However, once you've harnessed that strength it can be rewarding and remind you of what you can achieve.
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