Plans

First things first. Oh wow. 

This isn't really a blog about how beautiful Gabriel Byrne is. I just wanted to put something interesting here and yeah, he fits that criteria. 

I was having a 'reminisce about old films' moment with some friends the other day - some of the old classics I watched when I was younger. I remember always being a bit weak at the knees when Gabriel came on screen. He's so charming. Plus, as I will always assert, knowledge is sexy - so his character in 'Little Women' is insanely sexy. 

Still, more time for him later.

What this blog is really about is to firstly confirm that I have not died. 

Secondly, to just cover what ideas I've got going that I can now get round to writing. I've had insane amounts of work and extra curricular things to get on top of the first half of this semester. Naturally, whenever I don't have time to blog all of the ideas come pouring out of my head. So, what to expect now I have a break - blogs about altruism (I drive people crazy with debating this so I thought I'd get it all down on here), one night stands (this blog is really in the gutter isn't it?!), my first article for a group of feminist bloggers who have invited me to join them (so excited!!) and potentially some book reviews (I'm in the middle of reading about four books in one go and they're wonderful).

So happy break to all and I'll try to get on top of all my writing!

The Herman Project

I'm not sure how familiar people are with Herman the Friendship Cake. He's starting to circulate but there are a fair number of people who are unaware of him. Herman is a sourdough cake. However, you do not receive Herman in cake form - you receive Herman as cake mixture. Once receiving this mixture your task is set. You must keep the mixture (consisting of yeast, sugar, flour and milk) alive for nine days - some days you simply stir the mixture, others you add more ingredients. Once you've kept Herman alive for this long you divide the mixture in to quarters, giving away three - that's where the friendship part comes in - Herman is passed between friends who then pass the mixture on to other friends etc. The quarter you keep is what you bake for yourself.

When I received Herman I was over the moon. What a great idea - a small baking project for you to carry out (he honestly doesn't require that much maintenance) and a way to share something fun with your friends - well, certain friends - some of my nearest and dearest would happily kill Herman within days.

So, I started out with one batch of Herman - how did I end up with five cakes? As I said, Herman has circulated a lot, and by the time I had successfully got rid of my first batch, another container of Herman mixture arrived on my doorstep. I didn't particularly want to grow and share another Herman - I'd been a good friend with my first batch already right? - so I decided to carry out a project - my Herman Project. When I looked at the basic structure of Herman I realised this was something I could experiment with! I could add some ingredients, take others way - go crazy! Well... cake crazy - Rachel crazy.

The past couple of weeks, to the varying delight and torment of my housemates and friends, I have been forcing cake upon people. I've been dashing around St Andrews always laden with tupperware boxes full of cake begging people to eat it so it stops cluttering up my kitchen - it certainly made a recent Greenpeace meeting more chirpy and was the perfect addition to a catch up with an old friend!

Here we go, the many Hermans that have emerged over the past couple of weeks:


1. Regular Herman - pure and simple

This is the regular Herman that you are given instructions to make at the end of caring for the mixture. He is not the most elegant cake in the world but he was delicious. The regular Herman consisted of vanilla, cinnamon, apple and raisins. I made sure the apple chunks were especially large because soft, warm apple is so divine. I made the mistake of adding too much cinnamon to the mixture - making this cake quite spicy but, personally, I think that improved it. This mistake inspired the rest of my experiments - I think we often abide by recipes to the nth degree and forget how much fun it is to experiment with flavour - there's no one standing over you to make sure you follow the rules so go with your instincts!

2. Nuts and Spice Herman

This Herman consisted of vanilla, chopped mixed nuts and cinnamon. He was very much a case of creating a balance between sweet and spicy, seeing as the frosting on top was vanilla. He came out with a nice sweet flavour followed by a small spicy kick. This cake purely resulted from a rummage in my kitchen cupboards to see what I could experiment with.

3. Chocolate and Raspberry Herman

I'm sorry about the picture quality for this Herman - by the time I had remembered to document my efforts he had been attacked by my housemates. This Herman consisted of chunks of milk chocolate and raspberries. I made another mistake with this recipe that led to a new discovery - I added more vegetable oil than suggested, but as a result I ended up with a perfectly moist cake. This Herman was the perfect pick me up alongside a cup of tea after a heavy day at the library.

4. Banoffee Herman

This Herman was my monster. This cake got out of control. I've always loved banoffee pie and thought I'd experiment by replacing the pie factor with cake - it works out rather nicely - although I can appreciate the need for the subtle pie crust to tone down the sweet toffee, bananas and cream. Speaking of, I am tragically proud of whipping the cream for this cake all by myself!

5. Peanut Butter Herman

The final Herman consisted of a plain vanilla base with milk chocolate chunks which was then smothered in peanut butter frosting. I stand by the rule that peanut butter makes everything better - you can't go wrong with it. It's been an addiction since childhood - we Prossers aren't a family to buy lots of spreads but peanut butter is a constant in our cupboard (a minimum of three jars on the go). Making this frosting was a balancing act between getting enough of a peanut taste but not making it sickly sweet - I've epically failed with other peanut butter recipes before but this one turned out alright!



It's rather funny to look back on these monsters and think they all emerged from the same basic mixture.
However, a further reflection is that I don't want to look at another cake for months. Ugh. There is such a thing as a cake overload sadly.

Poison and Wine

A new band I've discovered recently. They make such beautiful music. This song especially is so chilling. 

'Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine. You think your dreams are the same as mine.'

Weight or lightness?

'But is heaviness truly deplorable and lightness splendid?

The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground. But in the love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man's body. The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfilment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become.

Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into the heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant.

What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?' - 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being'




I think even if I found lightness I would always crave weight.

'B is for breasts, of which ladies have two; once prized for the function, now for the view'

I have recently come across an interesting cooking group - what sets them apart is that they are a naked vegan cooking group. They have a blog full of delicious recipes alongside pictures of them cooking in whatever state the individuals involved feel comfortable (some have the confidence to be completely naked whilst others stop at underwear). Whilst they have produced some delicious recipes, the aim of the group is to promote a positive body image. Their campaigns have involved both men and women going shirtless in public places. Within minutes of women taking their shirts off on these campaigns they are approached by police officers and asked to cover up. By contrast, the men are allowed to remain shirtless. On the naked vegan cooking group blog a woman, who has been asked more than once by policemen to not be shirtless in public, has expressed her thoughts about the situation. I think she brings some interesting ideas to light but I'm not entirely sure I agree with everything she claims. I've been going over this in my head and disturbing friends by sharing my thoughts for a while now, so I thought I'd mash something together in a blog.

I'll try to create a summary of what she wrote about here. Her main focus is the discrimination between a shirtless man and woman (I'll save my thoughts on this for after this summary). In situations where she has been asked to cover herself, summer festivals or during campaigns, her frustration lies in the fact that men have not been asked to do the same - a shirtless man is acceptable in public. Her indignation resides over the sexualised public response towards a shirtless woman. By contrast, a man who wants to soak in the sunshine on a warm day will not risk harassment. In the same context, a man's behaviour is neutral, whereas a woman's is indecent. This woman mainly stresses that there is a societal attitude towards a woman's body as 'a sexual object first and foremost'. I'm sort of with her up to this point, not entirely, but I'll expand on this in a moment. This woman continues in her article to suggest that the issue 'is not having breasts, it is being a woman'. She proposes that the deciding factor of allowing someone to go topless is their gender - for example, if an androgynous person were to go topless she proposes the deciding factor is whether they are a woman.

This is the link to her article, it's definitely worth a read - http://nakedvegancooking.com/2012/01/15/632

So, there you have it. I think she certainly raises some interesting points but I have my doubts about a few.

There are aspects of nudism I admire. When you think about it, the human body is a beautiful thing. Thinking from an art historian's perspective, consider, for example, the delicacy and power in the muscles of the back. I attend life drawing classes and whilst there is the initial phenomena of the naked individual amongst a clothed group, there is a move to observing the model as a work of art - a neutral figure. So, I can appreciate the desire to embrace your body as a neutral, beautiful thing and, therefore, see no difference between a man and a woman appearing shirtless in public. I often get the feeling that bodies are overly sexualised and it's wonderful to just appreciate them as works of art without further implications.

I can sympathise with this woman's frustration over being asked to cover up in public. Many articles written about her experience have been condescending and suggested that she was asking for harassment - one applauded a policeman for not openly staring at her chest. What needs to be noted is that she was not inviting people to sexualise her. From her perspective she was enjoying nature and trying to share her view of the human body with others. It seems bizarre, but I see her as having more dignity than women who dress overly provocatively on a night out. Whilst I don't want to completely shoot myself in the foot here, and do respect that it is enjoyable as a woman to dress nicely, possibly expose more flesh than one would normally, there is a line that I have seen crossed where I wonder why some women bother wearing clothes at all. I think the difference between this female nudist and scantily clad women is purpose. It would be foolish to deny your awareness as a woman of what message you are sending with your body and what response you may receive to that message.

However, there are a couple of ideas she raised that I do not agree with.

I came across a concept in Philosophy this term that has cleared up a lot of ideas for me - equality of consideration. Equality of consideration takes account of the differences between certain groups, therefore, giving them equal weight in a decision, but not treating them in exactly the same way. For example, when applying equality of consideration to animal rights it would seem ridiculous to provide animals with the same political rights as humans because they don't have the capacity to exercise those rights - but their needs can be considered equally. I think this is a positive way to account for difference.

I feel it would be more productive to consider the shirtless case using equality of consideration. It seems to me that this female nudist has not really acknowledged the difference in male and female anatomy. I don't think the discrimination between a shirtless man and woman is because of gender. The female breast plays a fundamentally different role to that of a man. Firstly, consider breastfeeding. That function is linked to procreation, so the female breast has more of a sexual role than the male chest. Furthermore, the female breast is linked to sexual stimulation in a way that the male chest is not. I don't intend to justify the way the female chest is sexualised, but I do want to point out that it's sexual nature is not entirely ungrounded. However, I do agree with this woman's view that female breasts have been and are overly sexualised - consider the ridiculous fuss people create over a woman breastfeeding in public. Therefore, the sexualised female chest does have a biological basis, but society has exacerbated this focus, and I find the nudist approach of admiring the body in a naturally beautiful manner refreshing.

A further point that I do not think is entirely correct is the assertion that a shirtless man is viewed neutrally. Women enjoy ogling shirtless men. Simple as that. Everyone knows that scenario where men go shirtless in the park on a summer day and women indulge in a little eye-candy. I've had male friends share anxieties over experiences such as this because they are aware of the way they are being observed and want to be viewed positively. I'm not denying that there is certainly a more sexual element to observing a shirtless woman, however, it should be acknowledged that a shirtless man is not entirely neutral either.

I wrote this blog to try and sort out my ideas, however, I think I've probably complicated the matter for myself. I think this complication resides over the balance between considering the body as a natural or sexual thing. And then of course there is the further complication of debating the relationship between nature and sex. I think there is a greater difference between the male and female chest than this woman is willing to admit, however, I do agree with her that this difference has been exacerbated and I sympathise with her frustration.

When sharing with friends that I was writing this blog I have been frequently asked if I would consider nudism. In fact, I got a text from a friend who had seen a perfume advertised and suggested it become my new scent - 'sensuous nude' by Estee Lauder! Personally, I don't have the confidence to engage in nudism but have concluded that I could tie being a nudist in to my future plan - when reaching the age of about seventy I intend to live in Florence, eat copious amounts of Italian food, harass people in the Uffizi with my artistic knowledge and... possibly engage in some casual nudism on the side?

One plus one plus one plus one does not make four.

I had a recent conversation with a friend where we concluded that one plus one plus one plus one does not make four.

I'm aware that I have a need to control things. I think we all like the feeling of control. To be in a position of understanding makes you feel secure. I try to put things in boxes - a neat format where things don't feel complicated. I try to reach conclusions and generate a summary of how I feel about things. 'I feel this way so I must act this way'. I try to control my future by controlling myself. It's struck me how insane and unachievable this need is. There is no such thing as control and I can never really have it.

In keeping with this need, I'm also aware that I have a need to please others. I avoid conflict like the plague - I am the definition of a flighty person. I run away and I withhold what I'm thinking or feeling from others to control the situation. 'I can control this by not pushing out feelings where I'm uncertain of how others may react'. Again, there's no way I could control things so that other people are constantly happy.

I over think experiences. I'm presented with a possibility and I want to understand what will happen. I want to know. So, I spend my time going over and over what could be. I can do this enough so that I back away from experiences because I've over thought about what could happen to me. If there's some uncertainty I run.

These needs are so ridiculous I don't know where to begin.

Humans are not explainable. Feelings are not explainable. If we were so easy to understand then the debates and research would not exist. The way people are going to react, the series of events that will unfold, how I am going to feel - none of that is certain. None of that can be under my control - even though I think we can all make pretty convincing cases to ourselves that we do know what's going on. Constantly I surprise myself, situations surprise me and other people surprise me. Human beings are all so different and complicated it's extraordinary. Just think, when two people interact, regardless of what may have brought this exchange to be, it's not simply two people coming together to communicate - it's two deeply complicated beings and all of their personal history, characteristics and desires interacting. The slightest alteration in perhaps what has brought them together or a personal detail about them brings a unique situation. This world and every minute we spend in it is so unique - how could control ever be gained over that?

This made me reflect further that there is no such thing as an adult. They're a complete myth. I remember my awe at a young age over the concept of 'grown-ups' and how in control of everything they appeared to be. For them life was solved - they had the answers and they knew what they were doing. Now I'm getting 'old' I've realised this is not the case. We're all uncertain and I think it's good to recognise that everyone is in that same position of uncertainty. Undeniably, we create these facades for each other and can give off an air of understanding. But deep down I don't think anyone is completely on top of anything. I'm aware this is sounding negative and worrying but actually I think it's just natural. Perhaps it's what keeps us exploring? And what keeps life so extraordinary? As I previously noted, each moment in life is so complex and different there is no way anyone can be that prepared - we're all improvising and drawing from what we can.

These reflections put me in a new place and I've decided that often I need to 'push and not think'. It sounds rather bizarre that my thoughts have encouraged me not to think? Well, not to think but to change my way of thinking. Every moment of life is unique and I need to take them without a worry. I cannot control things, particularly the constant happiness of others. Naturally, I think it's good to avoid conflict but not to such an extent. Each individual is so different there is no way you can perfectly come together all the time and you are not going to be the perfect person for everyone. I've concluded, that for me, there needs to be: more letting go, less thought and more uninhibited action.

So, why does one plus one plus one plus one not make four?

Each one is so different they couldn't all come together and make a perfect number.

I think you can tell that by the end of this conversation my friend and I had reached a slight state of euphoria - possibly the Beanscene coffee? It's addictive.

And the warmth rang true inside these bones.

The result of an evening's doodling. Well, if I'm beyond revising I might as well do something productive so I don't feel too bad?