Friday, 8 March 2013

For the Love of God



I've been meaning to put together a post about Damien Hirst for a while (8 months to be precise - that sounds so bad now I've actually calculated it) but, alas, things got in the way - namely, my degree. Still, I think I'll get a few more life points if I focus on art essays that are actually assessed, rather than my own blog (which is essentially a poorly written mish-mash of my ideas).

I went to the Tate Modern's retrospective exhibition of Damien Hirst's work this past summer. It's definitely one that's stuck in my mind. As an art freak, who has foolishly banished herself to a small Scottish seaside town with little art, returning to London for breaks means storming numerous exhibitions to get my art fix. So, it's even more notable, that out of all of the exhibitions I've scuttled around, this is one that has remained with me for a while. 


Before I discuss anything, I think it is notable that this was the hardest exhibition to find someone to go to with - which in turn says something about the impact of Damien Hirst's art (talking about him is so loaded, I'm barely in to my discussion and already thinking 'Will people argue against me if I call it art?'). Usually when I ask people if they want to see an exhibition, even if they aren't an art historian, they humour me. For this exhibition, that was not the case. People were either too squeamish to go or had serious issues with Damien Hirst and didn't want to support his work (in both cases, fair enough). Well, let me give you a little anecdote as to why the guy I went with was suited to this exhibition. If you are not facebook friends with him and go to his profile you can view the usual things on most people's closed profiles (age, profile picture etc.) However, there is also another thing you can see on his - an album of photographs from when he dissected cats in highschool. Yeah, he's a character (his facebook alone makes one hell of a first impression) - he could handle Damien Hirst.



There are two things I took away from this exhibition - ideas about the artwork itself, and ideas about the status of artists.

Firstly, the work itself.
I approached the exhibition after having sat in several lectures about Hirst - aware of his controversial nature, and differing views about his work. Interestingly, the guy I was with did not have any pre-conceptions of Hirst, bar a few things I'd told him. He was my 'Damien Hirst Experiment' - I was interested to see the reaction of someone to his art who was not particularly aware of its controversy, and criticism of it. (As an art historian it's always fascinating to get someone with a fresh set of eyes to tell you what they think of something - I'm aware of being somewhat trained or given ideas by my course that can overshadow looking at something - it's hard not to turn on 'student mode'). We both reached similar conclusions by the end of the exhibition - conclusions I had not expected to make.

As this was a retrospective exhibition, the usual suspects were present - 'For the Love of God' (a diamond encrusted skull), 'Valley of Death' (a circular canvas covered in dead flies), 'Infinity' (drugs laid out across mirrored shelves), 'Mother and Child (Divided)' (a cow and calf each split in half and preserved in formaldehyde), 'Lapdancer' (surgical instruments laid out in rows in mirrored cabinets), 'A Hundred Years' (a glass case containing a cow's head and hundreds of flies - over the time of the exhibition the head decays) etc. So yes, not an exhibition to take especially squeamish people to...

From what I knew of Hirst's work I was expecting to be shocked. Surely a decaying cow's head would be an alarming thing to see? Well, whilst it was not the most pleasant experience, it actually did not feel that alarming. This was my feeling throughout the entire exhibition. I was standing amongst some rather unpleasant things, like dead animals, or subjects associated with negativity, such as drugs or medical equipment. But I did not feel the emotions usually associated with them - I felt neutral, almost calm. I'm not really sure as to why this was the case with the animals. Perhaps because I had seen photographs of the works and would have been more shocked if I didn't know what to expect? I think in the case of the drugs and medical equipment, the organisation and surroundings influenced me. In both cases, the objects were presented on clean mirrored surfaces, in large plain rooms. Things that are usually associated with fear and chaos were made manageable and calm. So, whilst there is usually upset over the disturbing nature of Hirst's work, I actually found it to be an almost peaceful experience. There is something unusual about being able to stand before all of these things you normally wouldn't be able to, for example, a tiger shark. Whilst Hirst is not my favourite artist, or even someone who springs to mind when people ask about art I like, this exhibition created a different notion of his work for me, taken at a simple level of just understanding the experience of standing before it.

Honestly, for me, my best experiences before art are when it makes me feel strongly. I thought I'd write a little something about standing before 'The Love of God'. Whenever I've seen it in articles, books etc. I'm pretty sure I've thought what many others have - 'How incredibly tacky'. It's a skull encrusted with real diamonds. Well, it's actually quite something to see. Let me tell you, that diamond skull is mesmerising (which makes me think of myself as a hideous little goblin ogling before the shiny thing). The skull was in the middle of a pitch black room with a single spotlight on it (effective, but meant I thought I was going to trip and knock it over). I'm definitely going to sound like a treasure crazed goblin now, but the way it shimmered in the dark made you forget that it was a skull at all.




On a level beyond standing before the art, I started to think about Hirst in relation to long-standing notions of artistic genius and an artist's income. The two core things about Hirst that frustrate people (gory dead animals aside) are 1. That he has a workshop who create his artworks for him and 2. That he makes a colossal amount of money ('For the Love of God' sold for 50 million pounds - it's crazy on so many levels).

There is a longstanding romantic vision of the lonely penniless artist who produces art for art's sake (Van Gogh being the primary example of this - he was considered a massive loser by other artists and only sold one work in his lifetime but produced it en mass anyway). As wonderful as this mystical image is, I think it shoots a lot of artists in the foot. Why should an artist not have a workshop or make money?

Firstly, the workshop. Yes, Damien Hirst doesn't throw himself in to the sea, fight tiger sharks to the death and preserve them in formaldehyde all by himself. He has a team who does all this for him. For this reason he is frequently accused of not being 'an artist' because he has not 'created' his work. Initially upon hearing about his workshop I thought 'How isolating. How strange to stand next to your 'artwork' that you haven't had a creative hand in.' But when you think about it this isn't a new phenomenon. From the Renaissance there have been numerous Old Masters who had workshops producing their work with them. In these workshops young artists were trained in the style of the master's work and would produce certain aspects of a piece for them. For example, large portions of canvases (usually the boring parts like backgrounds or random body parts) would be painted by a master's workshop, and then he would add the finishing touches like facial features. There would be whole patches of canvas the master would not have touched. I feel like this is a part of art history that is conveniently ignored upon romantically contemplating the lone, suffering artist. Even contemporary artists have workshops like this - Ai WeiWei doesn't carry out the entire process for making his sculptures - there are casts his workshop works from.

Honestly, even when I argue about all of this, I'm not entirely sure where I stand on the definition of an 'artist' (which is a little worrying after having studied Art History for almost three years - but also probably a result of that). Must a true artist have physically created the work? Or could it actually be argued that the heart of an artist's practice lies in the generation of the creative idea? Surely the artwork (created through the physical process people attribute to being an artist) would not come to be without the thought that triggered it all to begin with?

Secondly, the amount of money Hirst makes. He makes colossal amounts of money - just look at the diamond covered jackets he wears in public. There has often been criticism that the amounts of money Hirst makes is ridiculous. Once again, I think there are aspects of history that have been overlooked. Artists have always had patrons and been commissioned for their work. Think of an individual like Goya who produced art for the Spanish Royal Family. Yes, he produced personal secret etchings, but he was also constantly making work for the Royal Family to make a living. Why should Hirst, or many other artists for that matter, not be allowed to make a profit from their artwork?

I accept that it is a struggle to ascribe monetary value to the result of a creative process. Upon discussing my future (Pah, future! I'm an art history student - I have no future!) with people working in an auction house they said to me 'You'll have to instantly lose any of your romantic ideas about art. You have to think of all of it in terms of money.' That was certainly something I struggled to hear. How could anyone say why one piece of art is worth, say, £20,000, more than another? But does this mean artists should not gain financially from their work at all? If actors or musicians producing their 'art' get paid such colossal amounts why should an artist be any different? I think it certainly is questionable as to why Hirst makes so much money out of his work, but the fact that he makes any at all should not be an issue.

I hope this post has triggered some food for thought - What defines 'art'? How much money should artists make? Can a diamond encrusted skull really be that captivating?
Debates about Hirst can be extremely intense and go on for hours. Just enter his name in to google and you can find endless articles arguing about his work.
Overall, I think one of the most important things I learn from taking the time to actually see Hirst's work for myself, was just that - the importance of seeing it. It's incredibly easy to voice an opinion about it (or any artwork for that matter) just from looking at images in books or online and reading articles about it. However, when I stood before it I gained an entirely different experience. 

Friday, 4 January 2013

Critical Non-Essentials

2013. A new year. Why not start it with a new, positive post? I'm going to start 2013 with some blog happiness, specifically, a concept regarding happiness - critical non-essentials.

There's a notion that I share with my mother that is somewhat similar to the concept of critical non-essentials. We have always said if you can make the small things in your life beautiful, then why wouldn't you? Why not love everything your surround yourself with if you have the chance? I think this has developed out of our shared tendency to notice small details. As a result, it makes a big difference to us if even the smallest details of life are beautiful. So, whilst, the design of a mug for your tea, or the colour of your ring binder is not particularly important to some people, it can bring us a little bit of a happiness. For example, my mother can start her day happy just thanks to little things she loves. The coffee beans my family uses instantly make her day pleasurable. She gets a cup of coffee every morning and thinks 'I love these coffee beans'. It's a tiny thing. Most people drink coffee every day as part of routine. But this tiny part of my mother's routine, and her attention to it, makes all the difference. When you think about it, this is not the hardest thing to do. Find little things dotted throughout your day that you don't have to go out of your way for and it can be made. You just have to take the time to do it. Heck, on my walk to class I can find the colour of a particular leaf on the ground intriguing, and it makes me smile.

Paddi Lund has developed a business concept similar to this called 'critical non-essentials'. Lund suggests that the little things in someone's business can make the world of difference to a customer. Little things within customer service, that are by no means essential to what the customer is really there for, can massively improve the quality of their experience. For example, Paddi is a dentist. Paddi improved the experience of his patients by including a few practices in his service - patients are greeted by their first name upon return to the practice and that they are served tea or coffee almost instantly upon arrival. Now, if someone needs a tooth removed is it essential that they are addressed by their first name or given a drink? No - that's not an essential part of dental practice. But, it does make a difference. It makes people feel at ease. These things are not critical for dentistry, but essential for a good customer experience. I think that same concept can occasionally be applied to your life. It is not critical to pay attention to small joys in order to get through whatever tasks you have set that day, but it can greatly improve your well-being.

There's a website I frequently go to that alerts you to these small pleasures - http://www.1000awesomethings.com/ This website brings me so much joy. It reminds you of the tiniest things, that could be easily overlooked, that are actually 'awesome'. For example, stepping on an immensely satisfying crunchy leaf, or the amazing waft of freshly baked goods from just walking past a bakery. Things like this can be relatively cheap or cost nothing at all. Yet, we forget them. I took the time to read through this website (frequently nodding or smiling, and thinking 'Oh yes! It is so great when that happens!') and to make my own list of little things that make me especially happy in my diary. Sometimes things can all feel a bit too heavy, and it's so beneficial to take a moment and enjoy these little things.

So, here are some of Rachel's Critical Non-Essentials:
- Eating peanut butter straight from the jar with a spoon
- Throwing myself up the stairs as fast as I can like a child
- The smell of summer - the warm, floral wave that hits you when you step out of your front door
- Sitting before the natural glow of a lit candle
- Warm rain on hot pavement
- The feeling against your fingers of a second hand book's pages
- Drawing a perfectly straight line
- Handwritten notes
- Walking barefoot
- The first kick from a cup of coffee




Tuesday, 20 November 2012

'Slowness'

He said I haven't updated this blog in a while.
All I want to post is this.

Love is by definition an unmerited gift; being loved without meriting it is the very proof of real love. If a woman tells me: I love you because you’re intelligent, because you’re decent, because you buy me gifts, because you don’t chase women, because you do the dishes, then I’m disappointed; such love seems a rather self-interested business. How much finer it is to hear: I’m crazy about you even though you’re neither intelligent nor decent, even though you’re a liar, an egotist, a bastard.” - Milan Kundera

Nothing gets my mind ticking like Kundera quotes. 
I'm not sure I entirely agree with this. But it's some food for thought. 


Wednesday, 26 September 2012

"I once essentially bullied a boy in to giving me a valentines card and then corrected his spelling"

I knew the blog posts would kick in once I had work to do.

After spending most of my afternoon writing an essay and listening to indie/soft rock music from my teenage years (the sort of stuff I was blasting when the world 'just didn't understand meeeee!' Think Paramore, All American Rejects etc.) I feel sufficiently prepared to tackle a subject that has been on my mind for a little while.

Let me set the scene. I've just started watching 'That 70s Show' again. I love it so much - it never fails to make me laugh. Last night I ended up watching one of the earlier episodes before Donna and Eric get together. So, it's the usual set-up - she likes him, he likes her, you just want to bash their heads together and scold them for being so blind etc. Well, in this episode a problem arises. The pair are playing basketball and Donna beats Eric. The rest of the episode focuses on Eric getting mocked for being 'beaten by a girl', but what really hit home is that Donna then had to face the all too familiar decision as to whether she should behave in a more feminine manner so that a boy will like her? I really do love this show, and I'm sure this later scene was meant as a joke, but it still horrified me - Donna's mother pretends she can't open a jar of pickles and calls for Donna's father's help so that he gets a masculine ego boost and then fawns all over her because she's so cute and helpless. The episode kind of deals with this issue, but I'm not sure it did strongly enough for my satisfaction - Donna continues as she is but not before momentarily conceding and attempting to be a dainty, simpering girl. Finally Donna and Eric continue to play games but just stop keeping score. Hmmm. I wouldn't really call that a solution to the problem.

I'm painfully aware that I can easily write about this with scorn and have a clear idea in my head of what the right response to this issue is, but I know deep down it's something that has always plagued my concerns. As fate would have it, from a young age I have never been the sweet, petite girl on the playground - I was always more like a loud, ungainly hippo (good feminist upbringing - girls can do what boys do - aka I threw myself around the place with little delicacy). Actually, I was friends with the sweet, petite girl - she had very long hair, fluttering eyelashes and a voice that honestly resembled a twittering disney bird. Ah yes, another thing, my spectacularly low voice. Yes, Rachel has never been called 'cute' or 'sweet' - I certainly never had the physique for it, and I think my personality has always matched. No boy thinks a girl who corrects their spelling is cute (yes, I did that a lot - I once essentially bullied a boy in to giving me a valentines card and then corrected his spelling).

So, naturally, when the boys started flaunting over the little, charming girls the alarm bells started to go off. What am I doing wrong? Why does no one think I'm adorable? What should I do? My chubby, boisterous childhood, right through to my awkwardly curvy, aggressively academic teenage years were shadowed by the looming threat that no boy would ever like me because I'm really in no way feminine.
I think that's something people really don't pay enough attention to (yes I've read enough feminist articles about it to make your eyes fall out but I think society as a whole has really not taken this information on board) - from my experience and that of my friends, I get this overwhelming feeling that girls are expected to be boy magnets - it is so rough to be the awkward girl at school (not even awkward in a cute Juno-esque way).

And really, it's a natural science right? Boys like girls? (Well, some boys) So clearly boys want a girl who really IS a girl? So I should have done all in my power to be a girly girl?

I make this light and jokey, but that's probably a nicer way to deal with it - ask me about this again on a day where I've been weeping about how I never had an adolescence where I felt remotely attractive to the opposite sex because I've never felt like one of the 'pretty girls'.

Sadly, this anxiety doesn't really disappear. The Art History department was really a bad choice in this respect. The department of immaculately dressed, sexy, beautiful girls. Seriously boys, get yourselves over there - it's where they all are. You really never feel more troll-like than when you crash in to an Art History lecture with unbrushed hair and realise no one told you it was dress-like-you're-on-a-catwalk day (which I've now gathered seems to be every day...)

It feels like there's no in between a lot of the time. Either you can be a walking Vogue editorial or accept your status as a lamp (Haha, I can't believe I haven't shared my wonderful metaphor with more people - I once explained to a friend that I considered myself a lamp - a random household object - no one looks at a lamp with lust - sure, it's a nice object but no one looks at it in that way - see, perfect metaphor!)

So, I can be a dirty great liberated feminist who doesn't get up early to put my face on but does that mean I have to be lonely forever?

I've found myself trying to be more feminine. Of course I have. I think it had pretty much the same result Donna reached - people wondering what on earth is wrong with you and making yourself even more strange than usual. And then of course afterwards I have to scold myself. 'Bad bad feminist! Go sacrifice something at the altar of Germaine Greer and repent for your sins!'

So, what do I do?
And then, of course, the warm embrace of feminism brings me to my answer.

I've been reading Caitlin Moran's book 'How to be a Woman' this summer (a lot of it similarly concerns her awkward childhood and the question of feminine vs. feminist). This book has become my personal bible. Another big 'Oh thank god a woman who felt this way too' moment. Seriously, read this book. I adore it. There are a number of books I keep with me wherever I happen to be living at the time (my all time favourites to turn to) - this is my newest addition. I may be buried with it. What I think, and what goddess Caitlin has reinforced, that what is really wrong here is the assumption that there is a way to 'be a woman' and if you're not that way you're clearly a cave troll. We need to break this. We need a culture of confident women - not the dainty darlings on pedestals and girls who feel like toads hoping to meet a somewhat attractive blind man one day.

Of course, not all is lost. There are already strong female characters out there. An interview with J.K. Rowling about the character Hermione really struck me - Hermione never apologises for who she is or complies with the needs of the boys - she takes command, reads stupidly big books and isn't afraid to have a not-so-delicate moment because that's who she is - a feisty, independent young woman (god I love a good feisty, independent young woman). How exhausting would it be to keep up the girl act if that's not who you are? (Extremely. Believe me, I've tried. The make-up application every morning stopped on day three). Furthermore, I read about a new theory that in situations where children should be praised adults are now being encouraged to tell young girls that they are clever not beautiful. Lets make brains and brilliance the criteria for a 'great girl'. How refreshing would it be to hear someone say: "Oh godddd. She just has it all. I mean, the way she grasped Kant's criteria for the aesthetic experience... I just wanted to applaud her! What a brain! What a woman!"

So, I think we know the answer to the original debate of this post is that you should never compromise on your ability or personality to make yourself more 'desirable'. You don't need to change - expectations need to change.







Monday, 3 September 2012

Woe is me, I am a slug.

This blog title is something one of my friends said when she'd done something wrong. I think it's a good phrase for when you understand that you've been a bit useless. I realise I haven't blogged since July... Whoops. So, I am a slug, and I apologise.

Life has been somewhat busy recently and now I find myself with a week to go until I officially return to university for my (ugh... I don't want to say it...) 3RD YEAR... Where did my carefree youth go?! You know what's equally scary? I'm 21 in a month exactly. 2-freaking-1!!! I can feel myself crumbling already. Strap me to my zimmer-frame and get it over with. This can't be seen on a blog but I'm pouting now... I think I'll just spend my return to university and 21st birthday in denial. Yes. Hiding in a corner somewhere with a nice art history book and endless supply of coffee to ease my pain. I'm not American, I don't have drinking to look forward to - just a reflection upon how I'm really not that close to being a teenager anymore. What on earth am I going to blame my bouts of stupidity on now?! Good God, the world may truly know - it's not hormones, she's just an idiot.

Still, onwards, to happier things! I thought I should probably write a little summary of my summer excursions. When I say little I think anyone who keeps up with my blog will know by now that I use that term loosely - we'll see how small I can keep this on the word front...

Croatia

My first trip abroad this summer (I was lucky enough to make quite a couple of these) was to Rovinj in Croatia. My father befriended a Croatian woman through work and now I have come to be close with her, her sister and her mother. They are all wonderfully strong but empathic women. There are certain people in the world who you talk to, and when you talk to them you feel like life is logical and sorted - they are so certain in everything they say - these women are these sorts of people. To be around them is to be reassured. On top of their great company, Croatia is a beautiful place. The trip was a soul vacation for me - I swam in the sea, cycled along the coast, explored back streets, caught up with some personal writing - essentially took some time to myself in an extraordinary location.

German Romanticism to Expressionism Course at The Courtauld

Following my relaxed getaway (nothing clears your mind like lying on a boat in the middle of the sea in the baking sun) I returned to London for a week at The Courtauld Institute. I'm one of those people who needs to feed my mind - I actively enjoy lectures (I can imagine what's going across some people's minds now - "KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!") Agh, I'm a self-confessed nerd - I love to think and learn. So, yes, in my summer 'break' I signed up for a course about German art, ranging from Romanticism to Expressionism.  I adored it. When people think of famous art, who are the greats that come in to conversation? Michelangelo, Van Gogh, Monet, Picasso etc. etc. Do any Germans spring to mind? Not really. Perhaps Albrecht Durer - but many people really aren't familiar with him. German art has an incredibly complicated and neglected history. There is a sense of insecurity that has run through their practice for hundreds of years. Yes, in the sphere of music they have paved the way (practically dominated it), but in visual art they have been in a constant fight to define themselves. I strongly recommend that people become closer acquainted with their culture and work - it is fascinating.

The Olympics

How could I discuss this summer without mentioning the olympics? It has been my everyday and obsession nearly all summer. I think with fondness about the buzz leading up to the opening ceremony, the pride and thrill of the games and now our new excitement over the Paralympics. Hmmm, how to put this? British people... We're renowned for our self-deprecation. The key difference I notice between myself and my American friends is confidence. I'm part of a culture that really doesn't expect to do well and loves the underdog. In the build up to the olympics we were all wondering if Britain could pull off hosting the games (Mitt Romney had the nerve to voice this - yes, we may be worrying about it but if anyone else strides in here and claims we're not ready we'll turn on them like a pack of hyenas!) To actually rank third in the games was unreal. We're a small, odd, anxious country (we don't charge in loaded with confidence like the Americans, or have the cool skill of the Chinese) and to perform like this made us turn around and think "Okay. We've got something to be proud of." Honestly, to just walk in the streets and see other Brits gave you such a sense of pride - everyone came together in this excited buzz and thought "Yes, this tiny nation has some fight in it". I managed to attend a morning of swimming heats (my favourite olympic sport to watch) and an evening of athletics (things like pole vaulting, hurdles, shot put, the steeple chase). My time at the olympic park was just extraordinary. The joy in those venues was overwhelming - the whole time I thought "This can't be real. I can't be at the olympics. I must soak up every second, every detail". Britain is going to have such terrible Olympic withdrawal by the end of this summer.

Florence

I returned to Florence in early August. Last year I travelled to Florence with the company Art History Abroad and this summer I got to share one of my favourite places with my family. I dragged the poor things around so many museums, churches, streets etc. - they were very patient with me. We began to joke that I should hold up an umbrella like the other tour guides and get a handheld microphone for my talks - I did subject them to mini lectures in front of numerous pieces of art (I did say that they were very patient). You could probably worry about returning to a place so soon after visiting it and becoming bored, but for me Florence could never be boring - I was still overwhelmed when standing in front of the Duomo, somewhat teary again in front of Donatello's Magdalene and at peace before Pontormo's Gabriel. Such sensational work could never be dull however many times I stand before it. Plus, given that I had my family with me, they would draw me to new discoveries and experiences. It was such a pleasure to be back and I know it won't be the last time.

Portugal

To end my travelling this summer I had a small break this weekend in Porto - a large city in Portugal (a world heritage site). Once again, I was travelling thanks to one of my father's work connections. He recently befriended a Portuguese woman so we visited her and her family. She has two young daughters (aged five and nine) - they are exactly like my younger sister and I were when we were young. The elder is very serious, quieter and academic, whilst the younger is a loud, funny, bubble of energy. To spend time with these girls was to really revisit my childhood - I kept looking at that serious little girl thinking "Oh yes, that was me alright. She really isn't going to change that much." Porto itself is beautiful - as you would expect from a world heritage site... Sadly we only had two days to explore so time was limited to wonderful old bookshops, cafes, churches, an art gallery and a palace. One thing that really struck me about the magnificent architecture was the use of tiles - lots of buildings, instead of having a plain facade, are covered in patterned tiles - so so lovely. Being English I must mention the weather! It was spectacularly sunny - I soaked up my last rays and basked in the heat, knowing I'll need to live off these memories in Scotland!


So, that's my summer in a nutshell. Plenty more happened but I won't bore everyone with all the minute details. Perhaps a catch-up over a pot of tea will be required for a greater reflection upon my summer? Honestly, that's what I'm really looking forward to soon. I have so many dear university friends to reunite with.

I promise I'll try to be more vigilant on the blog front from now on! I've got a post about films that I've been working on for an age - fingers crossed I'll move faster with it. Plus, when I'm back to university with urgent work to be done, naturally hundreds of blog ideas will fly in to my head and I'll put my degree at risk to indulge in writing my usual nonsense!

Friday, 20 July 2012

Apple Pie Cake

I haven't written about food in a while. Odd, considering it's something I invest quite a fair amount of time in...

Over time I have come to accept that I am not a bright-eyed, blonde, bean pole with biologically impossible breasts and a wardrobe to die for. I am short, dark, have an 'unusual face' (yes, I have been told that), 'good child-bearing hips' (yes, I've been told that too) and as my little sister would say, 'the wardrobe of a hobo'. Still, there may be someone out there who finds the combination of 'good child-bearing hips' and the 'wardrobe of a hobo' to be everything they were looking for? Haha. Still, it's what I embrace and I know my cooking habits would not bring me anywhere near the blonde bean-pole dream, especially my most recent project...

The apple pie cake.



My dear friend Naomi (who I met on my wonderful art history course last summer) turned eighteen recently. I know... She's so young! I must admit that I felt spectacularly old (I'm only twenty...) when I attended her birthday party recently. That young thing and all of her friends were talking about university worries, the elation of leaving senior school and the dreaded A Level results day - I felt like I'd stepped in to a bizarre time machine. I am so old - my teenage years have vanished - I am half way through my degree - how did this happen?!

Anyway, my quarter-life-crisis can wait. Back to the cake. Ahh the cake... I wanted to make something special for the occasion and a generic victoria sponge or chocolate cake would not do. I wanted to branch out and challenge myself. Well, this cake certainly did that. It became my new monster.



A three tier cake. Light vanilla and apple sauce sponge. Apples stewed with cinnamon and nutmeg to separate the tiers. A caramel buttercream frosting to complete it.

This is all actually relatively simple to create. What matters is timing and organisation. There are a lot of things to manage at once - sponge, filling, icing (making caramel yourself is so challenging - impatience could get the better of you and make you burn it) and then of course there's stacking it all together. Did I mention this is hard to do when you have three pet cats lurking around the kitchen ready to thwart your efforts at any moment?

Oh, and travelling with it. That can be an issue. When I arrived at Naomi's home the poor thing had barely time to register my arrival as I crashed through the front door stressed over a cake where the top two tiers had slid off the base one with the icing all askew. Never mind, some readjustment got things back on track.


I think it's definitely something you'd enjoy the comfort of on a cold winter day (I'm thinking of any day in St Andrews to be honest... but especially when it gets horribly dark, cold and wet in winter). However, I was able to make it this summer because heat has still not reached England! Just rain and grey sky!

It's a good mixture of sweetness and spice - the stewed apples become almost caramelised, the frosting is just the right balance before being sickly and the sponge gives a warm kick. In terms of texture, the soft sponge (I think the apple sauce is what makes it so moist) is a great contrast with the slight crunch of the apple. 

I refuse to let this be a one time creation. It will resurface at some point. I'll be going in to the third year of my degree in September so I'm sure there will be many opportunities for baking procrastination! 



Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Identity



I think a lot of my friends know by now that I have a bit of an arty background - perhaps a couple of university ones don't? I was very close to going to art college at one point in time but honestly, I didn't have the talent or complete passion for it. After two years at university on a 'more academic route' I've confirmed to myself that I am more suited to Art History than creating art myself. Still, from time to time I dabble and return to my old ways - I dip in and out of life drawing classes when my workload isn't too much. Today I found myself creating this (it's not finished yet - whole right side to go - but I think I'm going to leave finishing it for a while). 

I'm not entirely happy with it, as usual - I don't know an artist who is ever completely happy with their work (one eye is definitely larger than the other and I don't think it really resembles me that strongly - bah, self portraits are so hard). 

Still, this is the start of an idea that I have been playing with for a while. There was a painting in the living room of one of my childhood friends that I always fixated upon when I was younger (my art historian roots already forming) - I sadly don't know the title of it or who it was by but I can picture it so clearly even now - it was a profile portrait of a man and he was composed entirely of different flowers e.g. his nose was made of rose petals. I always thought it was so clever. So, since quite a young age, I've always had this idea kicking around about creating faces out of different objects (not just flowers). 

The final aim for this work is to have my whole face covered in different quotes, images, symbols etc. that I think 'sum up' the making of me. For example, next to my eye on the right of the page is the moon, stars and the quote 'Dare to disturb the universe'. I've always had a fascination with the solar system (again this was something I've been attached to from a very young age), then this focus developed in to my awe about the vastness of the universe and power of nature. I thought the quote fitted in that it mentions the universe, but it also has two more links for me. It was the quote I used to structure my retiring speech as head girl to my senior school around, so it has a strong emotional attachment. Also, 'The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock' was the poem I studied for A Level English Literature - I had one on one classes and they were such a joy - the poem spoke so strongly to me and I really look back on those studies as a time where I grew and found myself. 

The struggle with this work hit me today when I took a break from it. Firstly, it made me start to think the spectacularly frustrating question of 'Who am I?' Didn't I go to university to answer that question? I suspect I might get glimpses in to an answer (I have never felt so comfortable in myself as I do at university) but somehow I think I may have to settle with the fact that it is one of life's maddening unanswerable questions. To even fully know yourself can be hard - I still manage to surprise myself from time to time. Furthermore, you can have the amazing moments of finding those special people who bring things out of you that you didn't know you were capable of. Ahhh, back to the same track, the wonderfully complicated nature of human beings. Another less pressing but still tricky issue is how to depict parts of what make me - my drawing remains at a basic stage - the question of how to depict music or academia is going to be a challenge. Still, I remain hopeful that things will work and I'm not going to come back to this work straight away. I need some time to step back and think about what to do next, I'm just glad I finally got it started.